Passion!

first published some time in 2008

I mentioned it before: I’m the mistress of unfinished stuff! I started so many things enthusiastically and then after a few months, when the aura of ‘something new’ had faded I lost interest … usually leaving an feeling of failure.

Today at work one of my colleagues asked how the web site was going and I told him a bit about what I’m doing at the moment and that it is a lot of fun – when a friend of mine joined the conversation commenting a bit sarcastically: “Still…”

Hmm, I guess some people know me too well.

However, it made me think. I’m working for Incredible Ladies since half a year now, spending all my spare time not really knowing where this will all lead to, if people are actually interested in my opinion and if they like this kind of online magazine. So why is my interest not fading?

When I did silk painting everybody loved my work, and I even sold quite a few pieces straight away. You do something – you get rewarded! That should be an incentive to stick with the subject. Nevertheless, I just couldn’t make it a business. And there were many other similar occasions where it just wouldn’t work out. With Incredible Ladies the stream of reward is more like a trickle and I still love it!

And then I remembered an incident that happened last weekend. I had planned a pampering Saturday morning for myself. Walking session early mornings, then a cappuccino with biscotti at the gym bar – and it was ‘the perfect cappuccino’ I got there – after that a bit of steam room and hanging in the hot tub, followed by a full body massage by my favourite beautician Kelly.

While I was hanging in the hot bubble bath contemplating the shapes and figures of my fellow men and women I saw the perfect female shape entering from the other end of the pool. She was just stunningly gorgeous, great posture and perfect proportions. And as she came closer I realized that I knew her. I saw her the first time about 6 years ago when my Australian friend convinced me to join her for step aerobic classes in one of these school sport halls. I liked it although I didn’t understand what the instructor wanted me to do, and after 10 minutes I was absolutely knackered.

And there she was: A lady about my age probably a bit younger, normal face, normal hair, normal figure. She was very good and I always tried to find a place behind her so that I could copy her movements. Then I joined the gym, neglected the classes and lost sight of her, until our former trainer got employed at the gym and there she was as well. I never joined those classed again – too loud and too hectic for me, but she seemed to be obsessed with aerobic classes. During this long period where I only went to the gym very rarely I saw her jumping like a rubber ball whenever I was there.

And then it occurred to me: All these years I didn’t notice her for beauty but for the passion she had for her sport. And this passion had transformed her from a healthy and fit, although rather unflashy woman into a model figure, including the posture and the walk.

When I started writing for the site I felt something that I didn’t know before and I called it determination, and at the beginning that probably was the right term for it. But this has turned into passion now. Determination has this feel of ‘having to …’, this implication of having to reach a certain goal. Passion is aimless – I do what I do because I like it.

I feel passion for my sport – it started because I wanted to achieve something. That is not important anymore. If I get there: Brilliant! If not: Who cares? I just love doing it. I’m passionate about the Incredible Ladies – if you like it: Wonderful! If not: I’ll write it anyway!

Whatever it is you are passionate about: It gives tremendous freedom. It is an island on which the opinions of others don’t matter. All my life I made myself dependent from other people’s opinions – like the guys in the 'Little Tale' – and to an extent I still am. We all are, I suppose. But this little bit of my life is mine – in there everything is as I want it to be because I made it that way, and the sun is always shining.
Well, some people – like me – seemingly have to kiss a few more frogs than others to find a prince, or a passion. And that’s all right!

Now that I found mine I realise that my previous attempts weren’t failures. I learned a lot from every single one of them. So why should one even think of it as a failure only because they were stopped? The experience gained still radiates into this project, thus it was all time well spent.