Monday 29 November 2010

Abandoning Perfectionism!

I stumbled over an old article and I am now sitting here a bit dumbstruck, not believing that one year is gone in which I have achieved nothing. In Eureka Moments I am reflecting about making them happen, now one year on it seems that this is more difficult then I thought. I still own this sheet of paper, it is hanging right in front of me at my pin board. And there is another word written behind this phrase that says: '2 years time - waiting for eureka moment.' It is the word 'Author' followed by a question mark.

Maybe I didn't achieve nothing. Maybe stepping backwards a bit, abandoning IL for a while, was not nothing, but a quite big deal. Not being able to write for a few month was the saddest period of the past six years. Maybe sometimes one has to lose something to be able to value it properly, and now that it is valued I will have to find ways.

I decided to begin by declaring 'Perfect' as overrated! All my life I have been striving for perfect, oh I do know 'perfect' of the things I do... That does not mean that I CAN do perfect. Perfect needs training, and training is hard when 'perfect' is so far, far away! And training is hard when one knows so well what is lacking, and then somebody comes along and tells you exactly what you know already. This is the moment when all the motivation turns into nothing but anger. Anger about the well meaning criticism, prematurely dropped before one could find perfection out of own skill; another opportunity lost to achieve something to be proud of. Anger about having taken on a task that somebody else already is perfect in. Anger about being angry... Then temptation: Harmony is just at the other side, find an excuse, just stop doing what you are doing, nobody can criticise you then, you can't fail in this anymore. The disappointment will fade, it did on previous occasions... just stop, ... stop,... stop,...

Striving for 'perfect' all my life kept me from doing the things I loved doing, because I felt that they were not good enough, that I never was good enough. I do not want that anymore, and the easiest way to resolve that is to abandon 'perfect'!

ILP is a good start. It is far from perfect. It is MY lifestyle guide, it is fed by what I experience and how I live my life, and it hence reflects my ways of doing things. Oh my, that is not perfect at all.

Will it be good enough to become a success? - I don't know, we will have to see.
Do I care? - Yes, I do!

Brilliant! And now let's practice!

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